Last night was a pretty awesome evening. We had just eaten dinner at Grandma’s house (the new weekly norm), stopped by Wal-Mart for a few groceries, and then headed home. I fed the horses and came upstairs. We put Hayden to bed, and then chilled out. It was about that time that the lightning storm began off in the distance out towards Bonanza and Hackett. It's not too often that we get thunderstorms and lightning shows in mid January, but last night was one of those nights. Two weeks ago it was 6 degrees at night; last night it was probably 60! Hayden has been sick so he went to bed earlier than usual, and was snoring by 8PM! Susanna and I both sat down to read our books, and I was blown away by just how peaceful it was. I don't think I've mentioned it on here yet, but we live in a barn. It’s not what most people think of when they hear “barn.” It's my parents' barn, and it's pretty amazing. The downstairs is the tack room, horse stalls, and garage. Upstairs is the loft where we live. It’s beautiful and such a blessing!
So, I'm setting in their leather recliner, surrounded by these beautiful wood walls with a very large window at the east end of the barn and French doors at the back (that currently open up to a 10 foot fall down below... my excuse for still having the Christmas tree up while we have Hayden running around.) The windows provided the evening views of the lightning show and eventually the rainfall. We don't have Internet at the barn, and for that I'm thankful. It helps me take advantage of my time with my family. We do have cable and the TV, but as surprising as it is, we've had no real interests in watching it these days. I think once we do build, I may not want us to have cable just so that we will be disciplined to stick to all of this reading time and healthy family time we’ve had lately. Hayden watches his movies, but that’s about it.
I’m currently reading a book called “Cloudland Journal” by Tim Ernst. It’s book one in what will one day be a trilogy. It’s his journals about living in his cabin off of the Buffalo River, an area he nicknamed “Cloudland.” It’s an interesting read about him slowly leaving his life in the city of Fayetteville to eventually live in his log cabin (my other suggestion for when we build our own place). It’s a simple book about his daily life, his work on the cabin, and the creatures he sees as well as the plant life and just the simple beauty of the land. It’s a beautiful book and when I look up from the book it’s as though I’m there. The inside of our barn is all wood so it looks much like a cabin.
As Susanna and I sat there and visited, I realized just how blessed I was. We talked about what all God has done to bring us to this point; about His attributes and about how we truly love to come to church because we love to learn more about Him. We talked about the different names of God. We talked about the church, the Greenwood campus, our family, the friends we are making, and the friends who are all over the country. It wasn’t much longer that she headed to bed. I stayed up reading.
It was about an hour later that I received a text message from someone very dear to me. It was a message informing me of a medical situation that required surgery the next morning (today). Without going into detail or giving names, my heart became very heavy very quick. It was a time in which I sat my phone down and picked up my journal and thought that it’s times like this that I want to bargain with God. I want to strike up a deal. “God, I’ll do this if you will protect this person. I’ll do this if you will just do this.” Why do we do this? Is it our sinful nature? What makes us think we could ever bargain with the Almighty? My journal entry read: “God, this is one of those situations in which I want to bargain up front, but it’s simply my prayer that you be with them, that you keep them safe, that you be with the doctors, but not my will, Lord, your will be done.” He knew I wanted my will. I know I want His to trump mine. Oh how I pray those two wills can be the same.
I went to bed praying. I literally fell asleep praying. But I woke up this morning reminded of how I went to sleep. I am reminded of how my evening started yesterday and how it ended… the impact that a little news can have on someone. The news I received is kept silent to protect them, they’ve asked that it remain that way and I will honor it. I think, though, that it still has an ability to minister to all of us when we remember that God is the same when all is well, in the midst of the storms around. God knows what’s best. He will do what’s best for his people. It might hurt, and we might just absolutely hate it, but it’s what He knows is best for us. We can’t bargain with God like we could our parents when we were kids. But we can learn from God. We can observe what He’s doing around us. We can watch and be mindful of how He’s using the lives of people around us to minister to us.
People have asked me before, “What’s God’s will?” The Bible is very clear on what God’s will is…
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8 Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
1 Peter 2:13-17 13 Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, 14 or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. 15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. 16 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. 17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
1 Peter 4: 1-2 Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, 2 so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.
The Bible is very clear that God’s will is that we grow in sanctification… that is, that we become more like His Son, who experienced pain and suffering. For us, claiming Christ can and I’ll go so far as to say it will involve pain and suffering here on this earth. I think it’s the sinful attitude of man that makes us think we won’t experience any of this suffering or that we should avoid it; that our evenings should be like mine was last night before the phone call, but the will of God can be and often is much different. The next time you want to bargain with God, keep in mind that it might just be His will that you experience a bit of a roller coaster ride. He might just want you to experience the mountaintops and the valleys, the sunshine and the storm.
Blessings,
Frankie <><
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